Thanksgiving

We had a great time at the dunes this year.  The weather was perfect.  We brought Portia this year and I did not want to bring her.  Howard insisted we bring her and told me she's be good...they must have had some sort of agreement, because she was so good!!  She loved being there and watching everything and LOVED going for rides.



I mean, look at her face..that's pure happiness!





We'd start going and her ears would get like this...we'd call her Yoda.







Mmm! We know how to do Thanksgiving dinner right out on the sand!

  

Haha, she totally looks like she got 'caught' in this picture.  Naughty dog! ;)

Class 4

This class was all about Attachment. These classes are reminding me of all I learned in my sociology classes.  I loved sociology!  Maybe that's we're enjoying these classes.  Everything we're learning seems to be common sense, but so good to learn and hear.

First we learned about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

Maslow's theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs.  Most foster kids are dealing with the bottom two needs.  Which means they aren't being or feeling love and there is no self esteem.  You have to gain the child's trust before that love and attachment can form.  The child can think, just because you have him safety for one night, doesn't mean he'll get safety the next night.  It will take time and patience for this attachment and trust to form.

We also learned about when a new placement joins your family.  One thing that stuck out to me, is not to act too happy.  I'm sure Howard and I will be excited when a child comes into our home, BUT it is probably the child's worst day of his life.  He's been taken from everything he knows.  We have to be respectful of that and be supportive of those attachments he already has.  Our leader always says...this child had a life before he met you, you have to remember that.

It was a good class.

We also had another Home Study with our case worker.  It was with our REAL case worker and we really liked her.  Having her in our home made everything seem more real!  She asked us for rules of the house.  We hadn't really thought of that. I guess we need to come up with some rules.  It seems so weird to come up with rules for these hypothetical children.   I'm sure we'll be making up stuff as it comes along! 

Class 3

Class 3 was a tough class!  It was all about loss and grief.  For us to better understand the loss and grief the child is going through we had to talk about our own personal loss and grief in groups.  This was really hard for me.  I have a tough time talking about it to close friends, let alone strangers...but it was therapeutic!  For some it was easier to talk about their loss.  It was interesting to hear others losses and how its changed their lives. 

These children will be going through major loss and grief when they come into our home.  Everything they know has been taken away from them.  That's some major loss!  And children will show their grief in different ways.  With the children we're taking (younger) will act out in anger or sadness.  We're learning a lot about behaviors and deciphering what the child is trying to tell us by the way we're acting.

I went to this class with a headache and I left with a raging headache...it was a tough, deep, emotional class!

Portia and Youtube

Portia watches TV.  She especially watches exciting scenes or when an animal is on the screen.  She's hilarious.  We don't have Animal Planet, so last night we thought we'd look up some dog youtube videos and get her reaction.  She just sat there and watched the dog videos.  Then we turned on a tiger video..she got more into that one.

Dog Video...didn't move through the video, just watched. 

The Tiger Video she got more into...



Class 2

Tonight's class was just so easy...I think last week we were anticipating what it would be like that tonight seemed so easy being there, being apart of things, etc.  And I can't say it enough...we really enjoy our instructors!

They talked a lot about shared parenting.  Like I said last week, my perspective is changing.  I'm seeing why this is so good.  Granted, we're learning about 'best case scenarios', but for those parents really making an effort to get better...they need to be involved with their child.  Its only fair to this poor innocent child.

We also talked a lot about Ericson's Stages of Development. Which talks about the different stages of development a child goes through. BUT in most of these foster cases, these children have a rocky foundation. During Infancy, they might have been neglected and so because of that, its harder to move onto the next stages and harder for them to progress.  It was very interesting all these things we take for granted...

Basic Conflict Important Events Outcome
Infancy (birth to 18 months) Trust vs. Mistrust --Feeding
Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust.
Early Childhood (2 to 3 years) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt --Toilet Training
Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt.
Preschool (3 to 5 years) Initiative vs. Guilt --Exploration
Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt. School Age (6 to 11 years) Industry vs. Inferiority --School
Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority.
Adolescence (12 to 18 years) Identity vs. Role Confusion --Social Relationships
 Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.

Class 1

I think I'm going to do a weekly summary of our MS-MAPP classes.  (the classes we are doing to become certified to be foster parents)  I think this will be good for me to remember the things that stuck out to me and also good for friends or family who are apart of our lives during foster care. 

First off, I think we're lucky, one of our teachers is a Foster Mom.  She's been doing this for I think 8 years  She's funny and has lots of experience.  She is a true advocate for foster children.  I love her already!  She's going to be a great resource for us.

The whole reason why Howard and I are doing Foster Care is because we are hoping it will lead to adoption.  BUT because we're signing up as Foster Parents our goal needs to be reunification with the parents.  In the back of my mind, I thought...whatever, these children need to stay with me.  My house is better than where they came from.  Um, judgemental much???  That is seriously the wrong way to think...that is the most important lesson I learned that last night.  Now there are cases where its not the best case scenario to go back to their families...and in this case, I would hope we'd adopt them.  But the foster mom said last night that she had a foster child for 3 years and it took 3 years for the birth mom, who had been a Meth user for 10 years to get clean.  During those 3 years she everything she could to get better for her daughter.  That story opened my eyes and my heart.

We learned about cases that were heart wrenching...it is amazing what some of these children have to go through.  It is so unfair!  Just thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes.  And for that reason, we're even more dedicated to becoming advocates for these children. 

This first class was super dry...talked about a lot of laws.  But the good news is, it didn't scare us away! haha

Beautiful Heartbreak

I LOVE this video and its just what I needed to hear.
A few Sundays ago I learned that something very tragic happened to a family in our ward. As an outsider, I had no idea because they were at church every Sunday.  They were still living life and in my eyes, doing remarkably well, I had no idea they were in the middle of this tragedy.
When I heard what had happened to this family, it hit me hard.  I felt guilty.  It was such a good reminder for me that EVERYONE is going through something.  You have no idea what someone else is going through.  It was a huge wake up call that I need to be better and serve and do and be there for others.  I can't waste any time feeling pity for myself.

Again, I love this video, and I love the words in this song. I needed to hear them.  Looks like another Hilary Week’s CD I need to go buy. J